My Best Friend Porn

HE SAYS:
I really wish I could speak German right about now. I love this clip. I want to marry this clip. I want to marry this clip and have German babies with it. I want to raise our German family in Germany and I want to get a job as a guy who receives blowjobs in German blowjob school.
SHE SAYS:
I wish to take classes at German blowjob school.

SHE SAYS:
Who wouldn’t be turned on by shells or white rocks of some sort? God, that pair of light-colored-high-waisted denim slacks would really be all that I need to get an orgasm on the spot. And all you’d have to do is keep that crazy shirt on to make me have all of your babies…and, well, if you keep those crazy socks on, I will let you pig roast me and let you film it. Because of this clip, I’ve realized that it doesn’t take much to get a girl to do porn. All you need is the appropriate clothing and to know when to take it off – and more importantly – when to leave it on.

HE SAYS:
There are so many competing colors and crazy fabrics that I almost had a seizure. This guy’s crazy ass shirt almost blends in with the ugly couch like some sort of ridiculous camouflage. I hate these people and I hate their sex. I really don’t enjoy watching two guys fucking a girl, especially when one guy is in the puss and the other is up the pooper. I know a lot of people like to watch that but it does nothing for me. Well it does something, it makes me want to go watch People’s Court instead. I wonder if the guy on the bottom got a little jizzed on when the first guy was cumming. The whole scenario just makes me sad.

SHE SAYS:
WOW. I am very confused and NOT turned on by the clip itself, but you know what? I fucking love the intro and the logo by Prestige Video. Are there people that act like this when they are turned on by feet or are these girls just acting like they are turned on by feet? I wouldn’t know the difference because I am not turned on by feet and I have never been around anyone who has. Enjoy Prestige Video presenting (with a globe graphic with two very fancy cum drops) “Amateur Fetish Videos: Foot Maidens, vol. 2″

SHE SAYS:
Eva Kent says double the pleasure, double the fun, but I don’t think Doublemint will take that stench out of her mouth. Sorry. That was a bad joke. I don’t necessarily mind the presence of two guys – but two guys going at one girl in BOTH HOLES? Doesn’t it look like the guys are fucking each other? GROSS. I still masturbated to this clip though. Twice. Now I am gross.

SHE SAYS:
I am confused. Why is it so easy for me to get turned on by a boner tent? Why do I love garter belts so much? Why do I wish that it was OK to wear them every day, along with nighties? Is his big toe actually going in? Who is that lady screaming and why do we only see her shadow? Why do vintage clips turn me on so much? Who is that butler jerking off in the doorway and why is he making those HORRIBLE faces? WHY IS HIS WHOLE BODY JERKING AROUND LIKE HE IS HAVING A SEIZURE? Why do I think this blowjob is so incredibly hot? Why do I think the cumshot is so sexy? WHAT THE FUCK IS EVERYONE SAYING? What is that woman in the shadows actually doing? Is she taking a shower? Why does she have bottles of wine in the shower? Why do I love the fact that the maid dabs her cum face in the reflection of the artwork in the hallway? Wait! WHAT? Was was that ending? Alice, 20 years old, hotel employee, tentative suicide (my translation) WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? I am going to go masturbate now with a furrowed “thinking” brow. Thanks a lot for confusing me, French Maid slut.

SHE SAYS:
Damn it! I am the type of person that loves weirdness in any form but these just kinda freak me out! Everything looks phallic or well, like a vagina (is there a word for “look like a vagina”?) I understand that that is the aesthetic to this type of “art”, and porn can be much worse, but it is just so odd to me to see a need for something as crazy as this. It is not at all like the Hentai cartoons, which depict more real-life situations. Yes, the Hentai are not great and are mainly demeaning, but the premise is usually easily understood. These vintage German (I know it is dubbed with something else and I could be totally wrong on both of those statements: the German branding and the dubbing) are just fucking weird. And I love fucking weird! But these are really fucking weird. The Orgasator? The plug genitals? The penis monster? The topless fairies? The vagina queen that consumed the astronauts alive? The eggs??????? FUCK! I did enjoy it. And that plug kinda got me horny.

HE SAYS:
Wait, who has been recording my dreams?

SHE SAYS:
This clip made me happier than I have been in a while. The bad sound, the host, the drunken co-host, the VERY high panties…EVERYTHING! I loved this clip so much. It is just what I needed today. Just watch this right now. You can thank me later.

SHE SAYS:
Amber is a name like Ginger. Amber is the kind of name you don’t name your kid because you don’t want them to get into porn, and Ginger is the kind of name you don’t want your kid’s girlfriend to have because she gives a lot of blow jobs, and more importantly, participates in a lot of scissor fucking. Christy Canyon is the name of an angel and I don’t care that she scissor fucked a girl named Ginger. She can do whatever she wants because I love her boobs and I know The Guy loves them even more.

HE SAYS:
What a great way to start my day! Christy Canyon might be my all-time favorite. I discovered her as a teen at a time when I wanted to fuck a lot of my friend’s moms. None of my friends had moms here were as hot as Christy Canyon but it was not that hard to imagine her as a hot, willing MILF. Actually, now that I think about it, a couple of my friends had very hot moms. One of my friends had a Jacuzzi and every time I saw it all I could think about was his mom naked in it. It’s a miracle that I had ANY friends. Thanks to The Girl for making my morning!