My Best Friend Porn

What starts as just another bad Eastern European haircut, quickly turns into cock shaving and some sexy shower sex. Of course a couple glasses of fine wine helped things along. What kind of a girl wears black, thigh-high stockings in the shower? The awesome kind!

SHE SAYS:
Woah. Yeah, she is actually putting that fish tank-quality clear tube INTO HER PUSSY and sucking the cum out of it. She is getting a creampie and drinking the cum via a straw-like tube! Sorry, I had to phrase it in two different ways to get the absurd point across. Watch and enjoy!

HE SAYS:
Congratulations to The Girl for finding the worst thing ever. EVER! I have never seen anything more ridiculous and I’m guessing I never will. This is officially the stupidest thing that has ever taken place in the history of mankind. Everyone involved in this bullshit concept should kill themselves. EVERYONE! The cameraman, director, editor, actors, the actors parents, caterers, the people who manufactured the tube, EVERYONE! I’m officially never looking at the internet again.

HE SAYS
When did it become commonplace for every fucking blowjob to sound like a gurgling tar pit? It’s so annoying. With the sound off, I give this clip a 9 out of 10. With the sound on, all her slurping takes it down to a 2. I’m not kidding, I can’t stand how loud porn actresses are these days. I’m an angry old man, GET OFF MY LAWN!

HE SAYS:
I mostly like this clip but only because I like the girl and her perfect natural tits. This guy needs to go to film school to learn a little bit about shooting POV porn. Alternatively, he could invest in a tripod. I could do without the 2 minutes of cum-feeding at the end, but I realize some of you fucking pervy perverts will love it. SICKOS! Sorry, I just need a nap.

SHE SAYS:
Yeah, it was sorta hot but I agree with The Guy here. This guy could put the camera down for a little bit and also stop shoveling the cum into this girl’s mouth. Yeah, cum is hot, but I don’t want it to be put into my mouth in the same method a Zimbabwe mother puts white rice into her infant’s mouth.

HE SAYS:
Peter North is like the Beatles of cumming. I’m just worried he’s going to drown some poor girl some day. You can see the fear in their eyes as he unloads gallons of cum all over their faces. Although, it must be an honor to get a facial from Peter North. It’s something to write home about for sure. Someone needs to invent a car that runs on Peter’s jizz. Oil crisis solved!

HE SAYS:
Finally a guy gets a fucking facial. Take that buddy! Well, he gives her one in return, which is only fair. This super cute Asian girl gets a major pussy licking until she explodes all over the place. Then she sucks and fucks a tiny dick which is kind of sad. I am really happy my dick is 15 inches, I would hate to have a tiny tool like this guy. She seemed to like it though. Who am I to judge? I’m the guy with the blog, that’s who!

Way to go Belladonna, you are the “Dirtiest Girl in Porn!” No doubt it was starring in films like “Ass a Roni,” “Belladonna’s Butthole Whores,” “Cock Pigs” and the family classic “Four in the Pink, Four in the Stink” that earned her this prestigious award. We salute you Belladonna for this achievement in the porn arts!

Here’s a compilation of Belladonna’s skills.

Shoving baseball bats up your ass, AKA the national pastime.

In this scene Belladonna… well, I lost track of everything. There’s a bunch of cocks and a lot of drool.

HE SAYS:
Have you ever wanted to watch 40 solid minutes of girls with big 80′s hair get their faces covered in cum by guys with bushy pubes while cheesy synth music plays? Great, then you are in luck thanks to this retro cumshot compilation. I suggest getting a beer, possibly some nacho cheese, turning off your cell phone and sitting back with your pants around your ankles for the next 40 cummy minutes.
SHE SAYS:
I can’t tell you that I watched the entire clip, but I definitely saw enough to say that this should should be called a “cumpilation.” What I notice the most throughout the video is the way most of the girls flinch during the cumshot. They are startled! I wonder if they are getting the same reaction when seeing themselves in a cumpilation video now. Can you imagine? What if you got into porn for just one video in the 80s, then lived a “normal” life from there on out. Then, 20 years later, you are part of a video and an evolved industry that is making your cummy face so widely accessible. I love technology!