My Best Friend Porn

SHE SAYS:
“Sperm Generators. We drain their balls of all the vital fluids and we use it to ensure the survival of the female species.” Yeah, that makes a lot of sense to me! Just add a murder, a computer, and a “seer” and tons of lesbian sex and we have ourselves a fucking AWESOME porno!

SHE SAYS:
Well, I went though a few titles for this clip in my mind:
1. Pussy caught in fishnet gets fucked.
2. Mother-Rican SLUTS gets FUCKED.
3. Guy whose ethnicity is indecipherable looks uncomfortable while he tries to get himself hard in easy chair.
4. Music-that-seems-like-it-would-be-playing-at-your friend’s-family-reunion-that-you-were-dragged-to-because-you-had-a-one-night-stand-with-said-friend-and-the-family-reunion-is-the-next-day-and-you-feel-bad-about-the-whole-sex-thing-so-you-go-with-them is playing in this clip and it makes some Costa Ricans horny enough to have a threesome.
5. My favorite threesome position takes place in this Rican-Awesome clip.
6. Costa Rica sex.

Overall, this clip, even with all of its stupidness, is hot. I think that the cumshot is especially sexy. The editing makes it even better. Thanks for watching this clip and reading my stupid thoughts!

SHE SAYS:
I have nothing against small boobs but these small boobs really look manly to me. I think it is her lack of hips or something. She is very square and very plain, and very manly. AND SHE HAS A FUCKING SKIN TAG! A FUCKING SKIN TAG THAT SHE SHOULD HAVE JUST TAKEN A FUCKING PAIR OF SCISSORS OR SOMETHING TO BEFORE SHE FUCKING WAS FILMED! Seriously, what happens when you cut off a skin tag?

OK, I will google it right now. Well…YES! You CAN remove skin tags at home, and according to the Wise Geek site, scissors are the tool you should use! Wow, I am smart. OK, so let’s move past the skin tag. Let’s just skip right on ahead to 16:30. What the flying fuck was that teeth-chomp?

What is wrong with porn today? I will tell you: teeth chomping and skin tags.

SHE ASKS:
I love this clip! Ron Jeremy never pulls out the goods but a bunch of girls do. This is a Ron-fucking-Jeremy piece of pornography and we never see his dick. What’s up with that? I love that he is says that he has a “stressful job.” I hear you, brother. Ron and I have a lot in common. Ronny and I are going to be BFFFs one day. You know what though? I HATE ALL OF THE FUCKING ADS IN THIS CLIP. You have to fast forward to get past ‘em. Sorry, I’d much rather not put up a clip that has lots of ads in it but this clip is too awesome to be ignored. I also love the ending…watch it to see!

SHE SAYS:
Well, The Guy wants to fuck Meg White, eh? Well, you know what? I want to fuck Zach Galifianakis. Like Meg White for The Guy, talent is a huge turn on for me. Combine talent with comedy and I will want to fuck your brains out. I think that having sex with Zach would be not only pleasurable, but fun. I think that knowing his personality is so easy going means that sex would also be easy going. And think of those fucking pubes. Zach’s pubes probably rival the pubiest pubes. I am sure he never trims them. Just like that unkempt beard, I am sure his pubes are luscious and shiny and amber colored. Well, that’s at least what I imagine. I would roll around on his pubes and rub them all over my body. I would bet that Zach’s cum tastes like a combination of grilled blue cheese sandwich, David Blaine’s penis tip, Jesus (1/2 cup body, 1/2 blood, and one drop God cum), and Zach Galifianakis cum. Can someone please tell Zach that I love him?

Well, since Zach doesn’t love porn, I had to do my best. He has, though, been known to say that he likes “kitty porn”, he doesn’t have a sex tape. However, he did interview Monique Alexander at the monthly XXX Comedy Night show in Los Angeles. The clip isn’t his best, but it was the closest I could get to having a porn clip for him. I also threw in a real Monique Alexander clip in there for you. Enjoy!

HE SAYS:
Well I can’t really blame The Girl for wanting to fuck Zach Galifianakis, he’s one of my favorites too. I would not say that I want to fuck Zach but I would at least like to meet him and go to dinner with him and The Girl before they head back to his hotel for their pube-filled fuck fest. Maybe we can double date with Meg White. Maybe an orgy? I’m pretty sure this is going to happen. Let’s invite Monique Alexander while we’re at it. She’s CUTE! Too cute for porn. This is shaping up to be a weirdly awesome 5 way!

And, why not? KITTY PORN

SHE SAYS:
Whoa, Sasha Grey is a rough girl. I posted one other Sasha Grey post that featured a very rough blow job and I have to say that I really didn’t like it. I just about hated it. And, nothing compares to my favorite Bree Olson massage post, that one, seriously, is still #1 on my all time favorites. I have to admit, even with all of the slapping and the dirty talk, I liked this clip. What I liked about this clip is exactly what most would not like about it though…I loved the nipple play and the passionate kissing in the beginning and I liked that at 12:13 Sasha almost falls over and she sorta smiles a little. I am weird.

HE SAYS:
Well, this confirms what I already assumed… all female roommates eventually strap on a dildo and have rough sex. I agree with The Girl, the beginning is the best part. I loved watching Bree suck Sasha’s perky tits. I also LOVE that the giant scary strap-on was just casually sitting there in the living room the entire time. “Now let’s see what your fucking daddy has to say about that.”

HE SAYS:
I think I should like this clip more. I like it but I don’t love it. Maybe it’s because I can’t picture myself there. I can see me standing in the corner looking ashamed and feeling unneeded. I can imagine the girls giving me busy work in order to keep me away from them. Why do these girls hate me? What did I ever do to them? Stupid lesbians.

SHE SAYS:
Well, make that the first 15 minutes. It is all about the tease in this clip. It drives me absolutely, positively insane! I love this clip more than any other clip I have found. That girl receiving this amazing massage is so incredibly sexy. Watching someone get turned on as much as this girl does is almost enough to give me an orgasm. I am seriously getting incredibly turned on AGAIN while typing this. I seriously think that all porn should be like this clip. I love watching real people have real orgasms. I ♥ porn!

HE SAYS:
Agreed, this is one of my all-time favorite porn scenes too. The Girl is exactly right, the tease in the beginning is incredible. I was practically biting my nails waiting for her to finally remove that bra and touch those breasts! I think the blonde is Bree Olson. This is one of the most boner-inducing lesbian scenes ever!

Update: Pornhub changed the clip so here’s a link to it. Thanks Pornhub.

Ariel X and Bree Olsen lesbian massage