My Best Friend Porn

HE SAYS:
Blah blah blah, meh meh, je te ma ma blah blah. Te do de do te do blah blah blah je je te meh mah blh blah blah, ju te me to tee to tee blah meh blah blah. That’s French for, this scene is awesome but turn the sound off, it sounds like a room full of sick children being murdered.

SHE SAYS:
Have you ever been to a swinger party? Well…have you ever been to a swinger party with actual swings? Jeeze, really? You have? I guess this is nothing new to you then. Now I am embarrassed. Wait, wait…there has to be something in this clip that makes it unique enough for you not to be able to pull the shown experience from your own personal references…uhhhh….so have you ever been to a swinger party where the girl has a BABY on the guy’s FACE while she is CUMMING?*

*Fine. I give up. You happened to be awesome enough to have been to a swinger party WITH swings and I wanted to say something to shock you. An actual baby is not born during this clip but it TOTALLY sounds like it! I also have never used an asterisk on this blog and wanted to know what it looked like. It looks good, doesn’t it? Yeah, it does.

SHE SAYS:
I know. I know that this isn’t how bachelorette parties typically go, but for some weird reason, I liked this clip. I know it is fake and cheesy, but the teasing in the beginning and the laughing and the “fun” it portrayed for some reason got me really horny! I hope The Guy doesn’t make fun of me for liking this one.

HE SAYS:
This clip is a fucking horror show! I hate everything about it, EVERYTHING! Within the first 2 seconds I’m already creeped out beyond belief, but once the guys start yanking on their little floppy cocks I have to leave the room and watch Sesame Street just make me feel human again. In that very first shot, it looks like the guy in back is blowing air into her ass, causing her head to bounce up and down while the other guy has a seizure. I have to go watch some Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood before I kill myself.

SHE SAYS:
I cannot take credit for creating such a gem of a clip title. Let me take the time to thank Amateur001 of PornHub for this beautifully creative and telling title: “Rooftop Foursome Fuckage.” It is truly breathtaking. Well, so is the clip. Watch and learn!

HE SAYS:
Well the poster on the wall pretty much sums it up, “MEGA-PARTY!” Yeah, I’d say a party qualifies as “mega” when it includes four tight blonde teens engaged in a full-on lesbian orgy. I am requesting that my next birthday party ends like this, so please plan accordingly. Thank You.

SHE SAYS:
Sorry, I already planned it, but I thought you wanted a “GAY[COCK-SUCKING AND RIM JOB] MEGA-PARTY.” Sorry. I really tried. Stop dropping all of those gay and cock-sucking and rim-job hints, OK? You really confuse me. I mean, we are blog partners…we really should be on the same page here.

Join the lesbian teen party here!

SHE SAYS:
OK, I know…this is a very long clip – BUT – I have to say that it is well worth it. The premise is awesome: a couple walks into a sex-shop, takes a 20 minute walk down to the deepest corner of the basement, starts making out to some porn (nice, right?) THEN the guy blindfolds the girl and walks her into another room…a room with a guy and a boner. Then a lot of guys show up with boners and she tries to take care of each and every button-down wearing-jingly-gold-jewelry-sporting-”just-got-outta-my-9-to-5-accountant-job-and-came-to-the-corner-sex-shop-for-this-orgy-because-someone-handed-me-a-flyer-when-I-was-picking-up-toilet-paper-at-the-grocery-store-because-my-wife-told-me-we-needed-toilet-paper-and-it-reminded-me-of-the-fact-that,-let’s-just-face-it-I-have-been-throwing-away-a-lot-of-cummy-TP-and-she-can’t-satisfy-me-like-a-sex-shop-orgy-would-what-the-fuck-do-I-have-to-lose-on-a-Wednesday-evening-I-hope-no-one-finds-out-about-this-or-brings-a-camera” last one of them. Then a girl shows up and fake-tits MILF takes care of her, too. I ♥ porn. I really do.

SHE SAYS:
I am definitely not an expert in Ron Jeremy porn. Yes, I am aware of the fact that he has starred in many, many confusing and probably not-so-sexy or smart pornos, but still – this one is just really weird to me. I can’t get over trying to figure out the premise. Maybe it’s the fact that it starts at a club playing Madonna. Or maybe it is the dubbing. Maybe it is the hilarious dancing (please look in the background in the first scene…I literally laughed out loud!) Or, maybe it is the Arab garb. I don’t know what it is that makes it particularly really odd to me, but I do know it is not the sex. The sex looks very porny, so nothing is weird about that. It is just one of those clips where I spend a lot of time trying to figure it out to the point where there is nearly no time to actually enjoy the porn. Well, I guess all porn doesn’t have to turn you on, some are meant to make you think. OH, one more thing: although it ends in a facial (I tend to hate them) I LOVE this cumshot because it drips all over her chest. HOT!

HE SAYS:
The dancing in the background is GENIUS! You have the Fabio guy with long flowing hair dancing like a gayest man that ever gayed and what the fuck is that guy in the yellow wearing? A wetsuit? A yellow suit of armor? The rest is just confusing. Was this filmed in France? Did they fly Ron Jeremy to France for this?!? I LOVE the brunette in this scene though, she’s super sexy. Agreed on the cumshot too, I loved watching “The Hedgehog” cum all over her perfect perky tits. I ♥ porn so much!