My Best Friend Porn

I’M GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!

I hate this shit. This kind of porn is totally void of any sexuality. It’s nothing more than a stunt. Boring. Stupid. Lame. I won’t even bother showing the actual gangbang because it’s fucking stupid and abusive. Such a bunch of shit. I hate porn right now.

SHE SAYS:
For more obvious reasons, this clip is horrible. For these hilarious one liners, this clip is awesome!


“Well, I always wanted to travel abroad.”
“Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it’s off to jerk we go!”
“Wow, what a deep cunt. Wow, what a deep cunt.” You didn’t have to say it twice.” “I only said it once.”
“Hey, get that head off my head!”


Here’s your Monday installment of Cartoon Porn with a group of characters I can’t quite pinpoint. Are they the elves from The Elves and the Shoemaker? Are they gnomes? Are they…you know, I was going to make a Rick Moranis, “Honey I Shrunk the Kids” joke here but realized that it wouldn’t be funny, relevant, or worth it. I did, however, thought that you would like to know that I almost did. I almost did.

SHE SAYS:
More like “The American Cocksucking Championships” but hey. Sue me. Who says “sue me” anymore? What is wrong with me? I am so embarrassed for saying sue me. NOT. OK, so, what do we have here in this clip? Pussyman. Striped bicycle shorts. Cocksucking. Wrestling ring. Lots of guys with boners. Two girls. Licking. Pussyman some more. No clear winner but lots of cum. ♥ ENJOY ♥

HE SAYS:
The American Cocksucking Championship is my favorite time of year! Every year I throw a big American Cocksucking Championship party. We eat wings, drink beer and discuss the big budget American Cocksucking Championship commercials. Oh and the half-time show, don’t even get me started on the half-time show! I’m even in a fantasy cocksucking league.

SHE SAYS:
I am definitely not an expert in Ron Jeremy porn. Yes, I am aware of the fact that he has starred in many, many confusing and probably not-so-sexy or smart pornos, but still – this one is just really weird to me. I can’t get over trying to figure out the premise. Maybe it’s the fact that it starts at a club playing Madonna. Or maybe it is the dubbing. Maybe it is the hilarious dancing (please look in the background in the first scene…I literally laughed out loud!) Or, maybe it is the Arab garb. I don’t know what it is that makes it particularly really odd to me, but I do know it is not the sex. The sex looks very porny, so nothing is weird about that. It is just one of those clips where I spend a lot of time trying to figure it out to the point where there is nearly no time to actually enjoy the porn. Well, I guess all porn doesn’t have to turn you on, some are meant to make you think. OH, one more thing: although it ends in a facial (I tend to hate them) I LOVE this cumshot because it drips all over her chest. HOT!

HE SAYS:
The dancing in the background is GENIUS! You have the Fabio guy with long flowing hair dancing like a gayest man that ever gayed and what the fuck is that guy in the yellow wearing? A wetsuit? A yellow suit of armor? The rest is just confusing. Was this filmed in France? Did they fly Ron Jeremy to France for this?!? I LOVE the brunette in this scene though, she’s super sexy. Agreed on the cumshot too, I loved watching “The Hedgehog” cum all over her perfect perky tits. I ♥ porn so much!