My Best Friend Porn

SHE SAYS:
Sexy space women need love too. I have no idea why Ron Jeremy is pissed off at the end of the clip, but I am going to guess that it’s because he missed all of the great, sweaty fucking.

HE SAYS:
I love 80′s porn and I love Ebony Aye, the star of this clip. She made many appearances on most of the VHS porn compilations I was able to acquire as a teen in the 80s. I like that she looks like a real woman and not some cartoonish stripper whore. I should also point out that I know someone who might own those EXACT chairs!

I ♥ 80s porn!

SHE SAYS:
What? This tanning bed and light jeans loving Fuck holds this poor little Asian above his head while he licks her pussy. This just doesn’t look comfortable. Well, hang on to your knickers and thongs everybody, this guy loves to mime spanking with his belt almost as much as he loves the smell of bleach during his 8AM salon appointments with Judy. I have to say though, as much as I hate her taste in music and his personal style, I kinda liked the blow job and I liked the way it looked when he was entering her from behind. But WAIT! If you are going to skip around, like I did, skip to 23:00. Let’s just say the editing doesn’t make any sense and I think it is probably the best thing ever.

SHE SAYS:
This clip went wrong the second they panned in on those neon fishnet thigh high creating those two muffin thigh-tops. It went even more wrong when this du-rag clad man started licking her asshole. It went further down the shit hole the second it went longer than five minutes and I had to sit through over 28 minutes of this boring chubby fuck (referring to the action, not the pleasant young lady featured here.) At least it ended as a nice ass-cumshot instead of the stupid standard facial.

SHE SAYS:
Don’t you love the internet? Don’t you love freaks? I know I do! I wonder if this girl knows she had a stub. I wonder if it was removed when she was a child. I guess she could have grown up with the stub, ridiculed every day of her grade-school life, losing a bit of self-esteem with every tear that streamed down her face as she was being chased home by bullies. I guess she could have grown up and decided to use the last ounce of confidence she had deep inside of her to start practicing her dance moves in front of the mirror to “What a Feeling” blasting in the background. Being very inspired by Flashdance and Jennifer Beals’ nose modification story she could have then used that inspiration and new-found, self-taught dancing skills and auditioned at Legz, at 5.1 stars, the highest rating that a strip club can achieve on alphapro.com. The judges (yes, Legz has judges, three judges, sitting behind a long folding table with a white table cloth, just like the movie. As a matter of fact, the audition for Legz is also in a loft) could have been wowed and deeply moved by her story and could have then decided to give her a dancing job. After triumphantly getting the gig she could have then felt better than she ever had in all of her life. She could have then used tail to her advantage, putting condoms on it and violating other stripper’s belly-buttons as a form of legal artistic sex that West Virginians would tip her $20s for. She could have then saved those $20s and put them in her Popeye cookie jar, waiting for the day that she could get it removed. She could have saved enough money to get it removed, but only in Mexico. She could have then felt so liberated by her tail removal that she then decided to get into porn, first by making this clip in a hotel room in Mexico with her surgeon. But that’s all just speculation.

SHE SAYS:
“…if I could just have sex with her, OH BOY!”
“Oh YAY, your cock is hard, rock hard!”
“It’s a nice big load and it tastes really yummy, too.”
“I think uniforms are so much sexier than just being naked. Don’t they feel great?”
“Why do I need a rectal exam…it’s kinda gross, and embarrassing.”


I am not too crazy about anime porn, but this one wasn’t too bad. As a matter of fact, it got me kinda horny and I laughed out loud to some of the lines. So, enjoy this clip about one lucky man’s sexy journey as assistant manager of an apartment building.

Jasmine Black is tied to a couch and fucked by a big guy with muscles. Oh, porn.

SHE SAYS:
So, I still haven’t masturbated and I realize that being this horny really does skew my perception when it comes to the quality of porn. OK, there were rim jobs and anal and a scummy mustache and things I don’t normally go for in this clip but it still revved my engine. Did you know that revved had two Vs? I didn’t. Seeing those Vs together actually turns me on. To me, right now, those Vs look like balls. Sexy, manly balls. Why even use “manly” when describing balls? Are there womanly balls, ever? What the fuck am I talking about? I am going crazy. So, to remedy these hallucinations and the use of run-on sentences I am going to take my laptop into the bedroom, and spend some time in there. When I come out, I will be able to supply you with more quality clips. Good day to you!