My Best Friend Porn

SHE SAYS:

My maid fantasy is a little more subtle than these. I think the classic outfit is a little too costumey, but I still think it is sexy. I like the idea of a short skirt, thigh highs, and a garter belt. I also like the idea of there being a very long tease. The first clip has a bit of the tease in there…but I would go even further. Maybe start off with a shirt ON or something? Well, without further ado, here are three very different French Maid-themed clips. Enjoy!

HE SAYS:
I know it’s a cliche, but the French maid outfit is fucking hot! Even the cheap ones from your local sex shop are hot. It really is one of the all-time great fantasies and The Girl rules for posting this collection of maid porn!

Ummm…yeah. So, there’s a lot of asshole licking. Not quite my style, but maybe you poop-loving folks will get a kick out of it.

Wonderful lesbian scene. Not quite sure if they are maids or where that ties in, but it doesn’t matter, does it?

SHE SAYS:
Sheesh. Wow. Whoa. I am sorry, but I am not used to seeing such a large woman getting fucked by such a small man. How much of that do you think actually goes into the vagina? Be honest. Let’s take a poll here. I think somewhere around 1.5 inches actually goes into the vagina. Yeah, I am pretty certain it is no more than that.

HE SAYS:
That’s a good question. I think it could even be a little less than that. I would not be surprised if only an inch found its way in. The vagina must be huge too, so I would imagine it feels like fucking a glass of water.

SHE SAYS:
SERIOUSLY! I found this clip under the title “Destroyed by the Cockness Monster.” Indeed. I am actually incredibly turned on by this clip. Not only is his dick amazing but the girl is hot. And JESUS! The cum! Not only all of that, they look like they are having fun, too. Now I am in the mood for a little fun. I ♥ porn!

SHE SAYS:
What’s hotter than a white bbm ass fucking a black bbw in a moldy basement sauna (the kind that was installed by the neighbor because it “fell off a truck” and the aforementioned interracial couple decided that they would purchase said sauna and put it in their basement because they always wanted to lose weight and cleanse their bodies by “sweating it out” but end up just using it to fuck in, on occasion) on a hot summer day? This clip, that’s what! There are things about this clip that are sexy and others that DEFINITELY are not. The long shadows, warm summer orangey sun and oiled boobs? HOT. The five minutes of trying to get a boner back? Not so hot. Enjoy!

HE SAYS:
I think we are witnessing the beginning and end this guy’s porn career. Boy, she looks unhappy to be there.

SHE SAYS:
So, I am stupid. I have never heard of a “pancake” until now. Can someone please explain it to me? Does pancake refer to the semen? Is it because it looks like batter? Can someone please then explain why he uses such a confusing term instead of saying jiz, nut, cum, man yogurt, love liquid, sexy seeds, love butter, face paint, cock fizz, pecker juice, rubber cement, cock snot, nut butter, cock chowder, sperm, spunk, skeet, ejaculate, load, spooge, splooge, man juice, ejaculation, jism, orgasm, jizm, cream, man milk, wad, goo, cumshot, or my personal favorite: BABY BATTER. Why? I mean, with so many other terms to choose from this jerk chooses “pancake”. Damn him. The world create all of these miraculous and beautiful terms for his cream filling and and he has to go and use “pancake”. PANCAKE?! Yeah, I will lose sleep tonight over this.

HE SAYS:
I can answer this for you. I was actually the director of this scene and I remember it vividly. We had been shooting for most of the morning when this particular actor, Helmut, starting to bitch and moan about being hungry. I begged him to just finish the scene but he said he refused to cum on her face unless he was fed. We compromised and I allowed him to eat pancakes while fucking. Towards the end of the shoot, our chef wanted to get rid of all the excess pancake batter and made a huge pancake. It was the size of a fucking pizza! Mystery solved.

SHE SAYS:
The only way to truly establish opinions is to know what you DO NOT like as much as what you DO like. Guess what? You are going to learn a lot about me right now. I basically hate everything about this clip. The concrete floors, the giant tattoos, the scrunchie, the bad couch, the all over the place dick slobbering, the butt fingering, the erratic jumping from one thing to the next….I just don’t think any of the actions performed in this clip are sexy. I can confidently say that this clip is GROSS!

SHE SAYS:
Yeah, I know their bodies aren’t perfect, but I love that they are having fun with each other on a rainy summer day. They are cute, aren’t they?

SHE SAYS:
I ♥ GIVING BLOW JOBS. I also ♥ this clip. That is all.

HE SAYS:
I ♥ MULLETS. That is all.