My Best Friend Porn

Is it wrong to be turned on by a woman dressed as Dora The Explorer?

SHE SAYS:
Damn it! I am the type of person that loves weirdness in any form but these just kinda freak me out! Everything looks phallic or well, like a vagina (is there a word for “look like a vagina”?) I understand that that is the aesthetic to this type of “art”, and porn can be much worse, but it is just so odd to me to see a need for something as crazy as this. It is not at all like the Hentai cartoons, which depict more real-life situations. Yes, the Hentai are not great and are mainly demeaning, but the premise is usually easily understood. These vintage German (I know it is dubbed with something else and I could be totally wrong on both of those statements: the German branding and the dubbing) are just fucking weird. And I love fucking weird! But these are really fucking weird. The Orgasator? The plug genitals? The penis monster? The topless fairies? The vagina queen that consumed the astronauts alive? The eggs??????? FUCK! I did enjoy it. And that plug kinda got me horny.

HE SAYS:
Wait, who has been recording my dreams?

SHE SAYS:
For more obvious reasons, this clip is horrible. For these hilarious one liners, this clip is awesome!


“Well, I always wanted to travel abroad.”
“Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it’s off to jerk we go!”
“Wow, what a deep cunt. Wow, what a deep cunt.” You didn’t have to say it twice.” “I only said it once.”
“Hey, get that head off my head!”


Here’s your Monday installment of Cartoon Porn with a group of characters I can’t quite pinpoint. Are they the elves from The Elves and the Shoemaker? Are they gnomes? Are they…you know, I was going to make a Rick Moranis, “Honey I Shrunk the Kids” joke here but realized that it wouldn’t be funny, relevant, or worth it. I did, however, thought that you would like to know that I almost did. I almost did.

SHE SAYS:
Well, I thought that this week I’d have a bit of a tribute to cartoon porn! In addition to clips of real people fucking, I will post a cartoon clip as well. Yay for you! Today we will start things off with someone who is not a girl, but not yet a woman. This clip is FUCKING HORRIBLE. Not only does it not look like Britney, it doesn’t do a thing for me. At all. “A thing” meaning it did not turn me on, it did not make me laugh, nothing. I guess it made me complain about how horrible it is. Anyway, here’s your Sunday installment of Cartoon Porn with Britney Spears doing various naughty and porny things.

SHE SAYS:
Woah! I thought the Seven Dwarfs Gang-Bang Snow White was good…this one may be better. Hänsel and Gretel get much more than they expect. Much more than candy even. You know what? I want you to watch it all the way through and masturbate. That’s what I did. I really ♥ German cartoon porn!

HE SAYS:
My brain is literally about to explode from this amazing, crazy clip. I tried to remember all the things I wanted to comment on but there are simply too many great moments. The Girl is right, just watch this all the way through!

Super Girl gets some super dick in her super pussy. (Shut up, that’s the best I can come up with)

SHE SAYS:
There is nothing I have wanted to see more since The Guy’s Hard Working Smurfs post than SMURFS FUCKING. That’s right. These androgynous sexpots have been on my “Cartoons I Want to See Fuck” list for some time. This clip is awesome. Right around the 3:00 mark is when the whistling starts…and finally put the old blue candy joke into practice. Enjoy this clip and have an orgasm and a laugh on me. Happy Valentine’s Day!

HE SAYS:
Has someone been recording my dreams with some dream-stealing dream recorder? I love that Gargamel’s face is a all blue at the end! Overall this clip just gave me blue balls (zing!)

HE SAYS:
God bless the internet. Well on second thought, maybe it’s time to shut it down. The web had a good run and was pretty popular with at least thousands of people but I think it’s time to move on to the next fad. I mean what are we doing with all this technology? Nerds spend a lifetime inventing something kickass just so the rest of us can send each other videos of people getting hit in the balls. Now that I think about it please don’t take my precious internet away!

Free time + Photoshop + the internet = Homer Simpson pussy

why?