My Best Friend Porn

HE SAYS:
OK, I realize this clip is sort of fake. The couple might be real but I don’t think they are in any real danger of getting caught but who cares, this scene is fucking hot! This girl has an incredible body and two of the nicest boobs you will ever see. Speaking of those boobs, they get covered in cum. Thank you porn, you’re my best friend!

The Onion has done it again!

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SHE SAYS:

I don’t know, I am kind of into erotic stories now. I think that reading these stories is a nice break from masturbating to visual porn. And it’s totally smarter, right?

LushStories is a site that focuses on erotic stores and has an easily used rating system for its members. Let’s just say that I spend a little too much time on this site tonight.

Here’s a nice little story about ‘Sweet Sandi’ giving a sweet, but not sandy, blowjob. Enjoy making sweet love to yourself you sweet pervert!

SHE SAYS:
What an awesome ending: “OK you guys owe me $2035, plus tip.” I like this girl. I like this clip. If you need to masturbate RIGHT NOW I suggest you watch this awesome clip RIGHT NOW. Do it!

HE SAYS:
Awesome clip! Four big wet boobs? Yes please.

SHE SAYS:
There are two questions that have been keeping me up at night. 1. What has our beloved friend Pussyman been up to and 2. What does a slo-mo squirt look like coming out of a giant-lipped vagina? Thankfully, this clip answered both! Pussyman is doing what he does best: quietly and patiently observing two skinny teen-boobed porn-gals lick and pound each other with dildos until one of them squirts. Thankfully one of them did. Thankfully Pussyman has slow-motion technology up his sleeve and we get to see the woman’s juice repeatedly spray all over the unlucky, non-squirty party (is that Jassie, by the way?) Enjoy.

SHE SAYS:
I can honestly say that The Guy will love this girl’s boobs. I just know it. I think I know what he prefers by now. I actually just searched for a bath clip because I did just what this girl did – and I even used the shower head attachment. It was good. Really good. Any girls out there? Well, you should definitely use the shower head attachment. Do you hear me? USE THE SHOWER HEAD ATTACHMENT.

HE SAYS:
Thank you for this! Sweet sweet Jesus, I love this girl’s body. Waiting for her to take off her bikini was the best part. Can I say something else about this clip? I have discovered that I find “French nails” to be sexy but ONLY in porn. In real life I think they look cheesy, but in porn it looks feminine and sexy. Don’t you love double standards ladies?

SHE SAYS:
So, I am stupid. I have never heard of a “pancake” until now. Can someone please explain it to me? Does pancake refer to the semen? Is it because it looks like batter? Can someone please then explain why he uses such a confusing term instead of saying jiz, nut, cum, man yogurt, love liquid, sexy seeds, love butter, face paint, cock fizz, pecker juice, rubber cement, cock snot, nut butter, cock chowder, sperm, spunk, skeet, ejaculate, load, spooge, splooge, man juice, ejaculation, jism, orgasm, jizm, cream, man milk, wad, goo, cumshot, or my personal favorite: BABY BATTER. Why? I mean, with so many other terms to choose from this jerk chooses “pancake”. Damn him. The world create all of these miraculous and beautiful terms for his cream filling and and he has to go and use “pancake”. PANCAKE?! Yeah, I will lose sleep tonight over this.

HE SAYS:
I can answer this for you. I was actually the director of this scene and I remember it vividly. We had been shooting for most of the morning when this particular actor, Helmut, starting to bitch and moan about being hungry. I begged him to just finish the scene but he said he refused to cum on her face unless he was fed. We compromised and I allowed him to eat pancakes while fucking. Towards the end of the shoot, our chef wanted to get rid of all the excess pancake batter and made a huge pancake. It was the size of a fucking pizza! Mystery solved.

SHE SAYS:
I am happy Peter North takes off his clothes quickly because that headband really wasn’t working on him. Other than that, this clip was AWESOME. I loved it from the quick little dialogue about Peter being back from his trip, the nipple play, the fingering, the soapy handjob, the doggy style fucking and even the wallpaper! I basically want to duplicate this scene and this bathroom in real life. Ahhh, my dreams. Enjoy this sexy clip and promise me you at least try for a two-fer. I ♥ Peter North and I ♥ porn!

HE SAYS:
80s porn is the best! Listen up all you youngsters making porn in 2009, watch this clip and learn. It’s so nice to see a scene the does not include gagging blowjobs, forced anal, cock-across-the-face-slapping, tears and unwanted facials. High-five 80s porn! This is an awesome scene, very hot. My only complaint is the lack of Peter’s trademark geyser of cum. What’s wrong Peter, I’m worried about you.