My Best Friend Porn

How did they manage to film my nightmares? Is it possible for this actress to take enough showers to wash away the memory of this?

Jodie Moore Doesn’t Think Fucking A Clown Is Funny brought to you by PornHub

We have been having problems with our current hosting company and are in the (painful) process of transferring to a new company. We will be back up and running in a couple days. Please say sorry to your wieners for us.

HE SAYS:
I was sort of enjoying watching these huge heaving British breasts roll around in bed and was even enjoying the Meg White hairdo, but once I saw that sloppy red pussy I had to abort. So you’ll have to tell me how this clip ends, I had to bail towards the end.

Have you ever wanted to take a time machine back to the 1990s and have the ability to get any girl you see naked? If so, you have weird desires, but you are in luck thanks to this weirdness.

SHE SAYS:
Not really. But who can turn down a porn clip called “Human Fuck Machine?” All I know is, there are a lot of guys in tight black fabric groping a seemingly happy gal. Fuck darn it I love porn.

SHE SAYS:
WOW! Lexi Lapetina somehow had the ability to make me feel bad about the size about MY dick! She’s mean. Why does this exist?

SHE SAYS:
This clip went wrong the second they panned in on those neon fishnet thigh high creating those two muffin thigh-tops. It went even more wrong when this du-rag clad man started licking her asshole. It went further down the shit hole the second it went longer than five minutes and I had to sit through over 28 minutes of this boring chubby fuck (referring to the action, not the pleasant young lady featured here.) At least it ended as a nice ass-cumshot instead of the stupid standard facial.

SHE SAYS:
Don’t you love the internet? Don’t you love freaks? I know I do! I wonder if this girl knows she had a stub. I wonder if it was removed when she was a child. I guess she could have grown up with the stub, ridiculed every day of her grade-school life, losing a bit of self-esteem with every tear that streamed down her face as she was being chased home by bullies. I guess she could have grown up and decided to use the last ounce of confidence she had deep inside of her to start practicing her dance moves in front of the mirror to “What a Feeling” blasting in the background. Being very inspired by Flashdance and Jennifer Beals’ nose modification story she could have then used that inspiration and new-found, self-taught dancing skills and auditioned at Legz, at 5.1 stars, the highest rating that a strip club can achieve on alphapro.com. The judges (yes, Legz has judges, three judges, sitting behind a long folding table with a white table cloth, just like the movie. As a matter of fact, the audition for Legz is also in a loft) could have been wowed and deeply moved by her story and could have then decided to give her a dancing job. After triumphantly getting the gig she could have then felt better than she ever had in all of her life. She could have then used tail to her advantage, putting condoms on it and violating other stripper’s belly-buttons as a form of legal artistic sex that West Virginians would tip her $20s for. She could have then saved those $20s and put them in her Popeye cookie jar, waiting for the day that she could get it removed. She could have saved enough money to get it removed, but only in Mexico. She could have then felt so liberated by her tail removal that she then decided to get into porn, first by making this clip in a hotel room in Mexico with her surgeon. But that’s all just speculation.