My Best Friend Porn

SHE SAYS:
His cock doesn’t even look good to me. It looks too long. It looks like it would bruise my cervix. Who the hell wants a bruised cervix? Anyways, I love two things about this clip: 1.) The still that the clip has, she looks cross-eyed. 2.) THE FUCKING COMMERCIAL they make her do at the end while she is covered in cum! As if getting a facial isn’t embarrassing enough!

HE SAYS:
Oh porn, why do you always let me down? Just when I think porn is my best friend again, it goes and does something stupid like show me a woman fucking a bowling pin. Fine, she wants huge shit jammed up her snatch, it’s not my thing but whatever. But why does a bowling pin need to be included? It really seems like 13 year old boys come up with this shit sometimes.
SHE SAYS:
Jeeze, and I thought that the bowling pin was going to be the only thing that shocked me…her look shocked me. I have seen some small tits in my day, but I honestly don’t think that this girl has any breast tissue at all. I feel bad for her. I also feel bad for her pussy. Nothing that big should ever be shoved inside a poor, defenseless pussy! I treat my pussy with tender loving care, and I think all girls should do the same. Maybe god knew that she was going to treat her woman parts so harshly and decided to not give her breasts because he knew she’d pierce them together or cut them off as part of an extreme body modification or something. Yeah, I decided that is what happened. Now I don’t like her. I hope he also neglected to give her ovaries, because I don’t think this girl should be procreating. I hate her make up too. Basically I hate her. Someone should probably punch this girl in the face if they know her or know of her. Punch her in the ovary too while you are at it, just in case she has them. Thank you.

Hard to believe this would not make it to air.

I give you the gift of natural boobs. You’re welcome.

Perla A.

Simonia and Paolina

SHE SAYS:

The Guy informed us all a few days ago of one of the best pieces of written beauty known to man: Lurid Digs. I just HAD to share this one with you. I will let the experts and this picture of a LION JESUS AVERAGE JOE SEX SANDWICH speak for themselves:

SHE SAYS:
I should explain to you that my first true introduction to sex was with medical encyclopedias when I was about seven years old. There were chapters on sexual intercourse and all of the steps that take place biologically in the body. I would read over and over again about the physical changes that would take place between the man and the woman during sex. One quote still stands out in my mind for some reason, “the vaginal walls help grip the penis.” For some reason this stood out for me because I tried to imagine how a vagina just “knew” it was having sex. I thought it was pretty awesome! Anyways, this clip totally brought those initial feelings back! I forgot to mention that learning and reading about sex and looking at the illustrations used to get me EXTREMELY horny, even as a child. I wasn’t sure what those feelings were, but all I knew was that I liked to touch myself and look/read about sex. Yeah, you like that? You like thinking about me as a little kid and touching myself? Gross. Stop it! Think about me as a girl in my mid-twenties touching myself. Good. We both feel better now. I should also mention that in 6th grade for sex-ed I was the only one to get 100% on the “sex test.” There was a sticker on it. So there. Ohhhh, if my seven-year-old-self could see me now. I think she’d be pretty proud. Or maybe scared.

Lia + Abbigail + knitting + FEMJOY = your boner

It’s simple math you idiot. I worship at the church of FEMJOY and you should too if you care about your boner (or female boner equivalent if you are a girl).

I’m not convinced Abbigail actually knows how to knit

I’m not convinced Lia actually knows how to use a giant cube

God fucking bless you FEMJOY

SHE SAYS:
FUN FUN SEX INDEED! I never laughed out loud to this clip but I guess seeing that stupid striped dildo dive head first into this horny girl definitely put a smile on my face. And what the fuck are they saying? Can someone please translate this for me and sing it to me in a Boston accent? Don’t ask. Thank you.

HE SAYS:
Is it wrong that this still made me horny? Hey, what the hell was that giant giraffe cock thing fucking her at the end of the clip? And why the fucking fuck did Terminator guy show up at the end and why couldn’t we watch him fuck her with his liquid metal robot hand boners?