SHE SAYS:
These Boobs are GIANT. This Blouse Bunnies are HUGE! These Bologna Bags are crazy! These Bomboostas are like what? These Bonbons are INSANE! These Bongos are INCREDIBLE! These Boozies are as to Bosoms are as to Bodacious Tatas are as to Boulders, as my nana used to say. Woah, these Butterbags are being all oiled up like giant Butterballs but even more like Cannon Balls and even more like a great set of Cantaloupes. Aye Carumbas these Casabas will knock your eye out of you are not careful. I wish my Cha-Chas were like that white girl’s Charlies but I even wish they were more like the black girl’s Chesticles to tell you the truth. These Chimichongas will make your daddy go insane, your husband leave you, and your own Coconuts shrink because of their own embarrassment that they are no where close to looking like these fabulous Cream Pies. These Cupcakes will kill your neighbor. These Dingers will tear down the homeless shelter with one nudge. These Dinghies will scare your kids. These Dinner Plates will make you fart. These Double Whammies will make you poop your pants. These Dueling Banjos will make you cry. These Dumplings will make you ovulate uncontrollably. These Ear Muffs will make you cum instantly once you lay your eyes upon them. These Enchiladas will scar you for life. These Fairy Pillows will make you allow a homeless man to give you a golden shower. These Feeding Bottles will make you give up cow’s milk. These Flesh Melons will make you reconsider real melons as a snack. Sorry everyone. I only got to “F” with the boob euphemisms. I wanted to go all the way but I will have to save that for another boob-related post. I ♥ you, you porn loving mother fuckers!
SHE SAYS:
This, my dears, is BOOTY CLAPPIN’. Enjoy.
HE SAYS:
But why? I’m beginning to think we should all agree to close down the internet. We had our fun. We’ve watched tons of porn and hundreds of guys getting hit in the nuts. We’ve seen monkeys drinking their own pee and a fat kid having a private Star Wars moment. I think maybe it’s time to end this thing called the world wide web.
SHE SAYS:
Sheesh. Wow. Whoa. I am sorry, but I am not used to seeing such a large woman getting fucked by such a small man. How much of that do you think actually goes into the vagina? Be honest. Let’s take a poll here. I think somewhere around 1.5 inches actually goes into the vagina. Yeah, I am pretty certain it is no more than that.
HE SAYS:
That’s a good question. I think it could even be a little less than that. I would not be surprised if only an inch found its way in. The vagina must be huge too, so I would imagine it feels like fucking a glass of water.
SHE SAYS:
You like this old fashioned corset? Reminds me of bein a saloon girl or somethin. I like how John Holmes just tells her something along the lines of “Yeah, it’s sexy or whatever. Now take it off already would ya?” Who needs a corset when you have that amazing bush anyways. Oh Desiree, why didn’t you teach future generations of pornstars how to grow bushes and have sex?
HE SAYS:
This clip makes me hate contemporary porn. With most new porn, we have been robbed of the awesomely bad story lines and dialogue the vintage porn treats us too. Also, the amazing generic porno music tracks have been replaced with the sounds of girls gagging and saying “oooo yeah, fuck, fuck, shit, make me gag on your cock, oh fuck me, ooooo, fuck, shit, fuck, ooooh.” SHUT UP! I want to hear wall-to-wall funky instrumental porno jams quietly rocking the background. Desiree Cousteau is hot because she looks like a real woman, unlike most of the plastic “sluts” working today who know nothing about what it takes to be sexy. This clip has all the basic elements still used today, but it’s so much better because it it’s toned down and isn’t violent, degrading and gimmicky like most new porn. I miss porn from the 70s and early 80s so much, it was definitely the golden era.
HE SAYS:
I mostly like this clip but only because I like the girl and her perfect natural tits. This guy needs to go to film school to learn a little bit about shooting POV porn. Alternatively, he could invest in a tripod. I could do without the 2 minutes of cum-feeding at the end, but I realize some of you fucking pervy perverts will love it. SICKOS! Sorry, I just need a nap.
SHE SAYS:
Yeah, it was sorta hot but I agree with The Guy here. This guy could put the camera down for a little bit and also stop shoveling the cum into this girl’s mouth. Yeah, cum is hot, but I don’t want it to be put into my mouth in the same method a Zimbabwe mother puts white rice into her infant’s mouth.
SHE SAYS:
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