My Best Friend Porn

Awkward Boners – Because it happens to the best of us.

I have not had an awkward boner since 8th grade when I used to get them in EVERY class. I had to wear jeans every day and would usually spend the last 10 minutes of each class thinking of the most horrible, un-sexy things I could to get my boner to go down. That was a long year.

God bless AwkwardBoners.com

HE SAYS:
Well the poster on the wall pretty much sums it up, “MEGA-PARTY!” Yeah, I’d say a party qualifies as “mega” when it includes four tight blonde teens engaged in a full-on lesbian orgy. I am requesting that my next birthday party ends like this, so please plan accordingly. Thank You.

SHE SAYS:
Sorry, I already planned it, but I thought you wanted a “GAY[COCK-SUCKING AND RIM JOB] MEGA-PARTY.” Sorry. I really tried. Stop dropping all of those gay and cock-sucking and rim-job hints, OK? You really confuse me. I mean, we are blog partners…we really should be on the same page here.

Join the lesbian teen party here!

There is something about a girl who is naked outdoors that makes her look even more naked. Throw in some tan lines and you just might have the most naked girl ever! Here are Mabelle, Phylis and Olena in some great nude outdoor photo galleries from FEMJOY.

Mabelle naked in the river

Phylis naked on the grass

Olena naked inthe woods

Thanks FEMJOY!

SHE SAYS:
Um. Yeah. I know this is probably taking it too far for some people…BUT NOT FOR ME! Inflatable Jesus ready for fucking? I know, horrible, right? I know. It is. But I love it. I am sorry, you probably hate me now. And look – STIGMATA OPENINGS! I am sure the stigmata was MEANT for fucking! GOD DAMN IT, I ♥ THIS.

HE SAYS:
I know what someone is getting for Christmas!

I talk a lot about Met-Art. Not just on this website, I mean I will talk about them to anyone at any time. Sometimes I will be in line at McDonalds and just start telling the person in front of me about the perfect naked girls of Met-Art. They usually hold their children tightly and run like hell.

Some recent awesome naked girls from Met-Art.

I want to marry Met-Art

SHE SAYS:
I am confused. Why is it so easy for me to get turned on by a boner tent? Why do I love garter belts so much? Why do I wish that it was OK to wear them every day, along with nighties? Is his big toe actually going in? Who is that lady screaming and why do we only see her shadow? Why do vintage clips turn me on so much? Who is that butler jerking off in the doorway and why is he making those HORRIBLE faces? WHY IS HIS WHOLE BODY JERKING AROUND LIKE HE IS HAVING A SEIZURE? Why do I think this blowjob is so incredibly hot? Why do I think the cumshot is so sexy? WHAT THE FUCK IS EVERYONE SAYING? What is that woman in the shadows actually doing? Is she taking a shower? Why does she have bottles of wine in the shower? Why do I love the fact that the maid dabs her cum face in the reflection of the artwork in the hallway? Wait! WHAT? Was was that ending? Alice, 20 years old, hotel employee, tentative suicide (my translation) WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? I am going to go masturbate now with a furrowed “thinking” brow. Thanks a lot for confusing me, French Maid slut.

Andie Valentino really wants to get that pussy clean. She tries everything! She even uses her dildo in an attempt to clean way up in there. Andie Valentino is kind of like the porn version of Giada De Laurentiis from The Food Network, and I like that.

Andie Valentino masturbates in a soapy bath!

Maya woke up naked and now she’s trying to piece her night together in an attempt to remember where she shed her clothes. Was it at Red Lobster? Perhaps it was when she was buying Doritos at 7-11. At least that’s what I think is going on in these photos.